March 2009 Newsletter
March 1, 2009
In my parenting classes I have a chart that says, “If who you are is what you do – then when you don’t, you aren’t.” During tough times I hear so many who are defining themselves by their “stuff” and by what they “do.” Today there seems to be so much fear around losing “The Self,” by losing “The Stuff” and “The Doing.” I often tell people you are not the sum total of the current challenge. You are not the diagnosis. You are not an illness. If those things are true (and they are), then how true also is the not defining ourselves by the stuff we own and the things we do?
My grandparents and parents lived through the depression. There were many losses, including the family farm. But what has endured are the family stories. My grandmother could feed five children and the adults on 5 cents worth of sausage. And I know that the biscuits and gravy were delicious. I know my father went to work at the sawmill and quit school when he was twelve. From twelve to sixteen he paid the grocery bill. He worked when others could not. But he wanted his children to value the education he lost. My grandmother saved money from selling butter and cottage cheese to pay for sheet music and music lessons. Not only do I still have the sheet music, but I still love and play the music. The “stuff” and the “doing on the farm” are long, long gone, but the legacy and the lessons lived beyond. Those troubled times have past, and those who lived through them learned more than just what they lost. We are not the sum total of these troubled times. Rather, we endure through our stories and the relationships we build
Quotes..
“Life is like a grindstone–whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on what you’re made of.”
“If you’re going through Hell, keep going!”
“In the end, everything will be okay. If it’s not okay, then you have not reached the end.”
“If you won’t use the energy it takes to get what you want, then you will use even more energy dealing with what you get.”
“If it is going to be, then it is up to me.”
“When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”
“People will forget what you said, but they never forget the way that you made them feel.”
Stress
With all the high stress and tension during the world economic crisis, perhaps we all need to turn inward to stay healthy and sane. Relaxing may seem more difficult than usual, but relaxation will help generate creative problem solving as well as improving your ability to cope. Here are good instructions from Herbert Benson’s book (The Relaxation Response).
Steps to Elicit the Relaxation Response
The following is the technique reprinted with permission from
Dr. Herbert Benson’s book
The Relaxation Response, pages 162-163
- Sit quietly in a comfortable position.
- Close your eyes.
- Deeply relax all your muscles, beginning at your feet and progressing up to your face. Keep them relaxed.
- Breathe through your nose. Become aware of your breathing. As you breathe out, say the word, “one”*, silently to yourself. For example, breathe in … out, “one”,- in .. out, “one”, etc. Breathe easily and naturally.
- Continue for 10 to 20 minutes. You may open your eyes to check the time, but do not use an alarm. When you finish, sit quietly for several minutes, at first with your eyes closed and later with your eyes opened. Do not stand up for a few minutes.
- Do not worry about whether you are successful in achieving a deep level of relaxation. Maintain a passive attitude and permit relaxation to occur at its own pace. When distracting thoughts occur, try to ignore them by not dwelling upon them and return to repeating “one.”
With practice, the response should come with little effort.
Practice the technique once or twice daily,
but not within two hours after any meal,
since the digestive processes seem to interfere with
the elicitation of the Relaxation Response.
or any soothing, mellifluous sound, preferably with no meaning.
or association, to avoid stimulation of unnecessary thoughts.
Managing Economic Recession Stress
by Stephen H. Hill, Ph.D.
Twice this winter Channel 2 News has interviewed me about how the economic recession is impacting the Treasure Valley community in terms of stress and mental health. In part, they have asked how should people be coping mentally with uncertain economic times. Locally, some have already lost jobs, others live in fear of layoffs, and still others are small business owners who have watched their regular customers cut back on spending at their establishments.
In the face of any widespread stressful event, one of the best things you can do is control your unnecessary exposure to repetitive, negative and stressful talk about the economy or your individual company. To be sure, all of us need some level of knowledge or awareness to make wise job decisions and budgeting/investment choices, but most of us are getting far more than this on a daily basis. It’s also not that economic news isn’t newsworthy or important, but between T.V., radio and newspapers—even the water cooler conversations at work—an average American is likely getting information overkill of bad economic reports.
After the terrorist attacks of 9/11, the American Psychological Association studied and tried to assist citizens and parents in becoming “resilient” in the face of this national and global tragedy. In part, the APA found controlling exposure to terrorist related news and conversations was critically important to adults and children alike. Finding the right balance of allowing and honoring the natural feelings of grief and shock, seeking information and news, and offering help in service or donations, but not becoming consumed was difficult for many. The goal of resilience is for individuals to be able to engage in such feelings and efforts without losing their ability to function and concentrate on work, family, and continuing to enjoy special events and relationships.
Advice for reacting to the global recession may be quite similar. Seek out the information you need for wise decisions and preventative planning, but then stop. Allow yourself to turn off the T.V. or radio during an economic story, whenever you feel that sense of repetition, dread, or angst. Help loved ones do the same. Try to schedule and separate the time when you will research your own financial situation from the rest of your daily life. If you own a business, do the same: scheduling certain times for financial review, but otherwise focusing on positive customer outreach and quality service provision. Most importantly, continue appreciating and focusing on the daily blessings of time with family, dear friends and favorite hobbies. These provide the relief and safe refuge we all need during stressful times.