July 2010 Newsletter
June 30, 2010
Book Review
by Lorn Adkins
Everyone knows that the key to a healthy, happy relationship, especially for couples, is communication. As marriage and family therapists we often guide couples through a process. We may even spend time with couples on “how” to talk with one another. But what do couples need to be talking about? In her new book Hold Me Tight, Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, Dr Sue Johnson outlines a communication approach for building successful relationships. Other than thinking “Hold Me Tight” sounds like the title for a romance novel ( I mean I really dislike it so much so I refuse to use it; simply referring to the book as Seven Conversations), the book offers some excellent direction for intimate relationships. The promos for the book advise that Dr. Johnson’s message is simple. “Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, get to the emotional underpinnings of your relationship by recognizing that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner….” Dr. Johnson uses the terms “Demon Dialogues and Forgiving Injuries” as the touch points for the seven conversations. Throughout the seven conversations, Dr. Johnson uses a reader-friendly format that blends research and her own anecdotal comments from her private practice.
Okay, what are the seven conversations? (Again, I would urge you not to dismiss the book by the title or the subtitles of the parts but rather on the substance on the pages.) The seven conversations are: Recognizing Demon Dialogues, Finding The Raw Spots, Revisiting a Rocky Moment, Engaging and Connecting, Forgiving Injuries, Bonding Through Sex and Touch, and Keeping Your Love Alive. The book begins with a discussion of love, emotional responsiveness, and connecting. And the book ends with an excellent discussion on healing traumatic wounds.
This book not only allows couples to follow a pathway for emotional openness, but also provides numerous practical tools for getting to the heart of the matter. I would recommend couples take their time in the process and share the book together over time. Unlike many other marriage manuals that provide wonderful sounding titles like Men are From Mars or may even present new theoretical constructs that get media attention but lack practical application, this is a book to experience. I will take a book with substance over flash and fashion any day. Hold Me Tight is just such a book. Read it together. You won’t be sorry.